For the next day, the next year and beyond
by stilljustme
Summary: Post 3x22: When everything comes crashing down, you hold on to the most important in life: Family.


_**I have to admit I haven't seen the finale yet, so what I know is based on the ffs I read about Vinny's death and the finale, but – well, you know about plot bunnies. No matter where they come from, you can't get rid of them till you've written them. **_

It was the morning of Vinny's funeral. The boys were already dressed ready to go as the phone rang. Linda answered the call, but after a minute of listening she quickly handed it over to her husband, mouthing "Erin". Raising his brows in frustration, Danny took it, trying not show his anxiety about this. Saying goodbye to a fellow cop was always a hard thing to do, but with Vinny having been Jamie's partner, and having him dying in his baby brother's arms, it was worlds more difficult. Especially since he had to keep a certain distance to the case, being that he was working on it, and that he didn't really know Cruz. He was sad for him and pitied his family, but his real concern this day was Jamie. He had seen his little brother break down before, and he wasn't sure he could handle it again. Much as he loved working for the police, it kept breaking down the ones he loved sometimes.

"What do you mean, he doesn't want to go? Let me… no, let _me_ talk to him. Come on. Damn…. Erin just give him the phone alright? We've got no time." He quickly looked out of the window. Linda, Jack and Sean were already in the car.  
"Jamie? Hey, kid, what the hell's going on? I… no, you listen to me, I… did you… you didn't just… fine!" He slammed the phone on the kitchen table and followed his family outside.

"Danny, that's the wrong direction." Linda's voice was very gentle. She knew how hard it was for her husband to attend this funeral, and she knew exactly why. Comfortingly she put her hand on his leg, knowing better than to argue with him, just showing she was there. Danny squeezed her hand and kissed it, but refused to turn around.  
Twenty minutes later they arrived at Frank's house. Erin was already standing at the door. "Where is he?" Danny shouted as soon as he got out of the car, leaving Linda and his sons waiting inside again. "In Joe's room", Erin said, looking shaken. "Danny he thinks it's his fault. He says he can't go to the funeral because it should be his."  
"I know. That's what he always thinks" Danny answered gruffly, making his way past his sister and into the house. "Jamie! Jamie get your ass down there or I will make you come down!"  
"Danny, please…"  
"You know, Erin, that's exactly why I thought Jamie should never be a cop at all! That kid can't cope with bad experiences, it doesn't matter what it is. He can't stand the fact that this world isn't a happy place built out of chewing gum, so everytime anything goes wrong he blames it on himself. That's missing the picture, and that's what'll kill him one day." He stopped, almost exhausted now, closing his eyes as he met the hurt yet somehow understanding eyes of his sister.  
"Danny, you couldn't…"  
"I couldn't protect him, Erin", he murmured. "I tried. God knows how I tried to keep anything away from him, and to teach him to survive. I never wanted him to live through such a thing. I just wanted to keep them safe, and now Joe's dead and Jamie's…" He broke off.

"I know you did, Danny." With tears in her eyes, Erin hugged her big brother tightly. "I know you did. And you did it well, okay? You did everything you could, and Jamie's still here and he… he'll get over it. He knew this job can be hard." Carefully Erin drew apart, her eyes never leaving her brother's. "Go and talk to him, Danny, and stop blaming yourself. You can't tell him that it wasn't his fault when the only alternative you can offer is that it's all your fault. He'll never let that count. And I wouldn't either."

Danny managed a weak smile. "So what's the alternative you offer, state attorney Reagan?"  
But this time it wasn't meant insulting and she knew it.  
"It's what you said, Danny. The world isn't that happy a place. People aren't good, not very often at least. And those who are don't stand a chance alone against all the fear and greed around them. They need to be protected so they won't fall, too. That's why you're here, and that's why I feel I'm here, too. You help make the world a better place in danger of your own happiness and life and though it drives me crazy with fear and anger when I hear you've been doing something stupid and dangerous, I'll always love you for that. You're one of the very best men I know, brother, and Jamie is, too." She kissed Danny's cheeks and walked towards the door.  
"Get that into your heads for I probably won't say it again!"

Danny smiled while a tear ran down his face. He wiped it away, sending a quick prayer of grace for his family – and the plea for them to be safe.  
Then he walked up.

Jamie was sitting on Joe's bed, dressed ready for the funeral as Danny noticed with relief.  
"Come on, kid" he said, gentler than before. "Let's go."  
Jamie looked at him, tears in his eyes. "I can't."  
"Yes you can." Danny sat down beside his little brother, taking in the room that was so well-known. He swallowed down the tears. With memories of Joe being all around it wasn't easy to look forward. Then again – he had only one brother left. He would not let anything take away Jamie from him.  
"You can because you're alive. You're alive to keep on doing what your partner died for and…"  
"I'm thinking about quitting the job" Jamie whispered. He threw a quick glance at his brother and seeing that Danny was too shocked to say anything, he continued, "I thought I was going to make a difference out there and help people, but I can't even help the one working closest to me. I mean I've been working with Vinny for one year, I know him. I should've known he'd run after that guy all alone, I should've…"  
"What? Locked him in your car?" Danny put his arm around Jamie's shoulder. "Jamie there's no way you could have averted this. I know you don't want it to be true, nobody wants that, but it is. Vinny was a great guy, and it died for what he loved and what he believed in. Just like Joe did."

"That's why I want to quit." Jamie looked straight into his brother's eyes again, carefully checking the reactions. With all the world and all death spinning around in his mind he wasn't sure anymore if he didn't lose it slowly.  
"Ever since Joe died, we… we've never been the same. And you guys… you haven't been happy with me wanting to become a cop. Erin wasn't, you weren't… dad definitively was against it. And mom…" He looked down in shame and Danny had to move closer to understand him. "…I guess mom would turn around in her grave if she knew what I was doing."  
"Well, I think she does." Danny tried to keep his voice lightly. "And you know something? I think she's proud of you."

Now it was Jamie to be rather shocked. "Why…"  
"Because the first thing mom always wanted was us to be happy. And from up where she is right now, I think she knows that you are happy now. Well, not today, but…" The mixture of helplessness and grieve in his baby brother's eyes made him choke. Without really thinking, Danny pulled Jamie close and held him, letting the other one cry out his grief freely.

"It's okay, Jamie, it's okay. I'm here. I'm here, kid."  
"I feel so guilty"; Jamie whispered between sobs. "I wonder where's the justice in this when I get to live and have a family like you and Vinny…" He choked at the name, and Danny held him closer, closing his eyes to prevent from crying himself. "I know."  
He took a deep breath. "But having you killed, too, wouldn't make it any more just. It would only… it would only kill me, and then there's another officer down." He pulled away and tried to laugh, but it was a croaking. Jamie looked at him, his blue eyes even bigger than usual. "Thanks… thank you, Danny, that's…" He struggled for composure.

Danny felt uncomfortable. Did Jamie really not know how proud he was of him? That he'd do anything for him?

"See, kid – that I wasn't happy with the idea of you being a cop had nothing to do with doubting your ability. Come one, if I thought you wouldn't make it, I wouldn't be worried. Since that's what I am, Jamie. That's what we all were, and still are. We're not scared of you bringing shame over our precious name, or about bringing shame over the force. All we're scared of is losing you, kid, yeah, that's true. So what? It's what that job brings with it. How could I expect you all to be afraid for me every now and then and not be ready to do the same? You're a good cop, Jamie. Everyone says that. And I guess that you saved Vinny's life often enough. He knew what the risks were, just like you know. And he took it. I'd say the least you owe him and God and mom for still being alive" he broke off as his voice cracked.  
Jamie looked at him and bit his lips, not daring to interrupt. He wanted his brother to know that he was there, and how much he loved him. And how thankful he was. He just didn't know how to put it in words, especially when he felt so choked up.

Danny took a deep breath and looked at Jamie. In his brother's eyes he saw all the compassion and love that the other one felt and it was enough to keep him going for the next sentence. For the next day, and beyond.  
"…the least you owe to them is living like you think is right. Be who you are, Jamie, and don't think about what others might fear or think. Nothing and nobody ever has the right to tell you who you are except yourself. And just for what you are right now – I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the cop you've become, and I'm proud of having you as my brother." He cleared his throat and got up, ready to leave the room. "Now show your partner who fought the same side, who shared his life with you some respect and tell him you'll complete his mission, right? Do it for them."

He didn't have to explain whom he meant. With a last glance over to his brother Danny walked down the stairs and out of the house.  
Erin was leaning against her car, the only one left. She looked at Danny, the same compassion in her eyes that Jamie just had had.  
"Will he come?" Danny nodded. "Yes he will." He smiled at his sister. "Thank you."  
Erin looked at the door. "Don't mention it. As I said you won't hear it from me again."  
"Probably."  
"Very likely." For a short moment brother and sister almost laughed, grateful to still have each other.

As Jamie left the house and walked over to them, though, tears won over laughter. Feeling that it was his turn now, Jamie pulled both Erin and Danny into a fierce embrace. "Thank you", he murmured. "Thank you for being here."  
"Always."


End file.
